Last night, sleep did not come easily. There seemed to be so much to do before the first real day of school. Last week, our 3 children only had 1 half day. It was a mere 2.5 hours of getting used to where things are in school, teachers, classmates, etc. When my husband and I dropped them off that morning, not one of them looked back. They didn't look back today either. I wasn't surprised.
I went home to my empty house for the first time. It wasn't as lonely and empty as I had suspected. I needed to feed our horse, dog, bunny and then come back in to clean. Oddly enough, cleaning is something I am sort of looking forward to in all these new beginnings. For the last 100 years or so, my home hasn't ever been what I would call 'clean'. We will, for now, say it's messy and 'lived in'... I went about my farm duties with the horse and dog. When I arrived at the bunny's hutch, I found he had passed away in the night. I've had little "Hoppy George Egore" for 5 years now. He was a wonderfully soft and beautiful little bunny. I had suspected that he was approaching an elderly status, but that did not take the sting out of finding him gone. I went about the work that needed to be done in the 80 some degrees of the 10 o'clock morning heat.
When I finished my morose task, I walked soaked, into the house for the next of 'firsts'. I hadn't realized it, but I have never taken a shower alone in my own home before. There were always children or a husband buzzing about prior to this morning. I've looked forward to having some autonomy in my day for some time now. But this morning, it just seemed to be another depressing thing to face. Being a grown up, I muddled through my solitude and went to my Chiropractor appointment. After having dug a small, bunny sized grave in the hard, red clay, this appointment is just what I need. Spending too much of that time digging that grave in the ragweed laden August air has left me a sneezy, tickly and aching mess. Currently, I sit in a cafe, pondering the events of my morning and calculating the rest of the day .
This isn't all what I had envisioned for my first 'grown up' day with my children at school and husband at work... I honestly thought I would be sitting at my loom, joyfully weaving or sitting in a sunny spot, spinning alpaca with Tchaikovsky playing softly in the background.
It's a good thing I'm able to laugh at myself through my tears of loss for Hoppy, my empty home where my now, non home-schooled children used to be and the strings of sneezes that punctuate these moments.
I truly have miles to go before I sleep... :)